You’re either reading this post because you googled ‘scared of falling in love’ or you were simply surfing through my website, looked at the title, and clicked on it.
There are many reasons why you might be scared of falling in love. Most often, we’re scared of the intimacy and vulnerability that healthy love may ask of us.
This is a very important and interesting subject and I’m glad we’re here to talk about it! Let’s dive deeper into the subject.
You’re not alone
If you’re scared of falling in love — don’t worry, you’re not alone.
Many people, me included, have this fear. This naturally also relates to the fear of commitment and being in a relationship.
Love is a beautiful thing. The passion, the romance. the chemistry between you and the other person. Giggles, laughter, and an electric touch.
All of these things are something we desire in one way or another. Why, then, are we so scared of falling for another person?
1. Vulnerability & Intimacy.
When we say ‘I’m scared of falling in love’ what we actually mean is:
’I’m scared of being vulnerable and intimate with someone. I’m scared of letting down my guard and letting another person truly see me. I’m scared of opening my heart and letting love in because there’s a risk of getting hurt. I’m scared of being raw & unfiltered.’
The actual act of being in love with someone doesn’t make us scared. Vulnerability and intimacy is what make us feel scared.
Dr Brené Brown defines vulnerability as “uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure.”
We’re scared of the uncertainty of opening up ourselves to another person, taking the risk in case it doesn’t work out and the emotional exposure that comes with intimacy.
These things require courage, and it just so happens that vulnerability and courage happen to go hand in hand.
“Staying vulnerable is a risk we have to take if we want to experience connection.”
Dr. Brené Brown
You need courage to be vulnerable
Opening up your heart? It’s courageous. Taking a risk and leaping into the unknown territory that is called love? Courage. Exposing yourself emotionally and being intimate? Courage level 99.
In the world of Instagram stories, Facebook posts, Tweets, and Tinder, we’re a society that’s more disconnected than ever.
We’re more comfortable sitting on our couch scrolling through potential matches rather than going to events where we could actually meet a potential mate.
We’re more comfortable flirting through emojis and quick snap chats vs building that flirting muscle IRL. (that’s ‘in real life’ if you don’t know the internet lingo.)
Vulnerability and real intimacy don’t happen through apps and screens and real courage isn’t expressed that way either.
Real vulnerability and courageousness mean letting someone else see your real and raw self. The bloopers, mishaps, mistakes, and behind-the-scenes rather than those Instagram highlight reels.
2. Scared to Lose Control
Another reason you might be scared is because… you’re scared to lose control. Especially if you’re a recovering control freak like me.
We like to be in control of things, we like to know what’s gonna happen, how it’s gonna happen, when it’s gonna happen.
We want a whole 20-page presentation with graphs and numbers and pie-charts so we can know what to expect. Sorry to break it to ya, but that’s not how love, or relationships, work.
What will happen? Who knows. Where will things go and how will they go? Don’t know either. You will just have to wait and see. (terrifying, I know!)
When you enter a relationship and you’re in love, you’re in there with a whole, complete, living-and-breathing human being!
Your partner isn’t a project that needs to be managed and they’re not a proposal that needs to be completed.
You can’t control the other person and the outcome. You can influence it — obviously! — but you can’t obsessively control it and micromanage it.
Some things, like relationships, can’t (and shouldn’t) be controlled. Some things are worth losing control over.
Take a Risk
It is better to take the risk and get hurt than to live without ever having felt what vulnerable, intimate, safe and healthy love is.
All I can tell you is this: Let yourself be vulnerable. Let yourself experience real, raw, and heart-opening intimacy, and let yourself lose control.
We’re all scared, we all don’t know what we’re doing, and we’re all taking a risk.
I hope that the fear that you might feel, and the discomfort that might come as a result, is not going to stop you from experiencing the type of love you want, and the type of love that you deserve.
I’m in this with you. Let’s cultivate the courage to be vulnerable.
You might also enjoy reading this article about acceptance in relationships. Additionally, in this video I talk about judgment and why we love to judge other people.